I was barely into the offseason, when in March 2023 the NFLPA released the very first NFL player report cards. These report cards are the results of NFL players being surveyed about their teams on a variety of topics: players were asked to rank how the team travels, the locker room, the training staff, the training room, the weight room, the strength coaches, the food service and nutrition, and the treatment of families.
The top five performers were as follows: the Vikings, the Dolphins, the Raiders, the Texans and the Cowboys. The bottom five performers were as follows: the Jaguars, the Chiefs, the Chargers, the Cardinals and the Commanders.
Like you, I thought the same thing when I heard the teams being called out in this particular order, “The Chiefs are in 4th to last and the Texans are fourth from the top? Why should I care? Do these functions even help my team win games? Would a GM spend any money on these things if they don't produce wins on the field?”
Hey - don't fret my guy! That’s why I am here! Let's break down the numbers and see if any of the grades statistically correlate to victory on the football field and a better team record in the regular season. Hopefully we can advise all the GMs on where they should be spending money in 2023.
This analysis was ridiculously fun! Initially these functions appeared as if they had nothing to do with victory on the football field (the strength and training staff correlations were particularly disheartening to look at.) Notably however, there are three variables with strong enough correlation that statistically they should be on every GM's list of services to provide to their players.
Nutrition, weight room, and (shockingly) the treatment of families were the 3 categories on the NFLPA report card that were actually statistically more likely to generate a better regular season record on the football field if you scored highly in them. Nutrition was #1 followed by the Weight Room and then by the Treatment of Families. (I did not see that one coming!) More surprising was the differential in games between an NFL team that finished in the top five in one of these categories than those who finished in the bottom 5 of these categories. The former was more likely to win 2 to 3 more games than the latter.
So what did it take to get the highest grades in these categories? What would GM's have to add to improve their grades from their players to generate the wins on the football field? It's actually not as strenuous as you might be thinking. To rank highly in Treatment of Families, like the Dallas Cowboys did, the team only had to offer a family room where players could socialize and a daycare where players could drop their kids and have them taken care of for the day. This was not the case with the Arizona Cardinals who scored an F, and are only one of 14 teams that do not offer a family room and only one of 11 teams that do not offer daycare.
Do you need to have a gourmet chef on staff to get an “A+” grade in nutrition? The Miami Dolphins didn't. Their players were happy enough when all three meals are provided and that there was enough space in the cafeteria. How does a team get an F? Let's look to the Cincinnati Bengals for the answer, who ranked 31st in food service and nutrition. The Bengals are one of three teams in the NFL that doesn't provide dinner, one of only two teams that does not provide vitamins and the only team that doesn't provide supplements to their players.
I was of the opinion that all weight rooms were created equal, but that is not the case for these high profile NFL athletes. The Las Vegas Raiders got an A+ grade for their weight room by having the proper equipment and enough strength coaches on staff to attend to the players. The New England Patriots ranked 31st in this category because the players felt the facilities and equipment had been the same for a very long time and felt the room was understaffed.
The Shield protects its own. The NFL is a family, a brotherhood and strives to provide players with the best possible facilities, doctors and equipment. With billions spent on stadiums and training facilities, NFL GM's should be focused on nutrition, the weight room, and the treatment of families.
